THIS IS WHAT I THINK ABOUT..

As I sat at a doctors appointment on Monday with MA, a family came in. There were two little boys and the mother was extremely pregnant. She had dad with her because she could barely handle one toddler. I felt for her cause you know girlfriend was feeling the heat. Pregnant in July, not fun! As we sat the little one was truly a handful and he was running circles around her. She finally had DAD take care of wild man and she took on the mild child. I laugh to myself. I remember those days. AG just sitting at all of MAs doctor appointments watching her climb up the walls and anything else like a monkey and me running around like a monkey trainer trying to contain her. As I think back about it its comical. We spent about an hour and a half with this particular family because they basically take you from one room to wait to another room to wait until you finally see a doctor and have your tests run and leave. As we sat in the second waiting room with the same family and the little wild man continued to come and visit us, I really thought to myself. "What would it be like to be able to just have a baby? How many kids would I have today? If I could just get pregnant like that one right after the other? What would the number be? three, four, five, six? If it was that easy for us where would we have decided this is it?" Today, I don't feel that 19 would be the number. GOD BLESS THAT DUGGAR WOMAN. I do feel that two would not be it. If I got to choose how many babies I had, I know we would have more. Mark always asks me if you had a million dollars what would you do? If somebody gave you 50,000 dollars what would you spend it on? If somebody gave you 20,000 dollars how would you spend it? I always say the same exact thing, "Start another adoption." Every time. I think he always expects something different, but he always gets the same answer. It is funny and I don't know why he thinks it will be different. I know families that have just continued to follow GOD's call to adopt. Some have adopted up to 10 kids. There was a precious little girl that we just fell in love with in China at MA's orphanage. I so prayed for her. She was older and just beautiful. She came home two weeks ago at the age of 9 to a family of ten all of the children are adopted from CHINA. Wow! I am not that brave I don't think. Our house would get small very quickly. Do I feel cheated? At times. Am I envious of others who can think pregnant and nine months later have a baby? At times. Most of the time I am thankful for the wonderful kids GOD has truly blessed us with. When I say blessings, they are truly blessings. I would not give up my mild child and my curious George child for anything. Nor would I give up the processes that we went through to have both of them. They are just amazing. MA calls me her lovely mother when she is feeling especially loving. I thank the LORD for her each time she does that. She just makes me smile everyday. I would not give up her shenanigans for anything in this world. We absolutely were a boring family until she showed up. We were predictable and just simply boring. AG is an amazing child too, but her personality has just excelled under the management of her little sister. She is more brave today than she ever would have been. MA is pushy and she pushes her older sister to live outside of her comfort zone. She also pushes me. I am thankful and grateful for both of them daily. I think about all of this and wonder what adding one more would do to our dynamics as a family. I can not imagine how things would change. I am not even sure if I could handle it, but I would be willing to try. Kids are just a gift and when you consider so many are out there unwanted living in foster care and orphanages it just makes me sad. I could be somebody's mommy that needs me. I do deal with this daily and it can be difficult at times, but I still look at there precious little faces and pray that somebody will call them son or daughter soon. I was of course scanning one of my favorite waiting child lists the other day and this little guy just happened to be there. He is just the cutest. But what made me stop is that he looks like one of us. Like one of us as in our family. He has on a t-shirt and shorts and these croc like Chinese shoes. He could be Mark. That is Mark's summer uniform. Goofy shirt, jean/khaki shorts, and crocs. The Mark costume for six months out of the year when he is not at work. You know it is hard for some people to imagine an adoptive child in there family and I have to admit that there are some special needs that I know I just could not do. This little fella just looked like us and I have to say that is rare. It definitely made me look twice and now more than three times. I have looked at hundreds of children in the past five years and this is the first time I have seen a boy that I could say, you know he could be one of us. He would just fit right in. He just has something about him. I don't know. Babies are different. I could adopt any baby and at some point he/she would just become one of us. This guy is not a baby, he is just a boy who needs a mom and dad. It was not a thing that made me cry or anything like that. I saw him just standing there on the gym set and laughed out loud, "He looks like Mark." I showed his picture to AG and she said the same thing- "He is dressed just like Dad." I showed him to Mark days later and he was like, he's cute but I don't get the me part. REALLY? He could have just looked in the mirror. He even had on the same color shirt at the time. I know there are parents out there for the little fella and I hope they appreciate his little goofy Mark outfit picture as much as we did. They are going to be so lucky to get him. I appreciate him and he is not even mine. Life is crazy. I would do anything to have another child and there are people out there who want to get rid of the kids they have. My mom and I were recently at a local dollar store and this nut in front of her in line had three beautiful kids. They were running around like little bored kids do and this guy(who happened to be drunk) offered to give his kids away to my mother. She told the guy she would be blessed to have them and this guy proceeds to tell his little kids that he is going to give them away to my mother. They all run and hide behind their mother. It was nuts. I think my mom was about to cry. At times I just don't understand people and at other times I know this is all part of GOD's plan. You know loosing a child truly makes you grateful for the children you have and it makes you grateful for all the children born on this earth. Good, Bad or just plain rotten all children are a gift from GOD. When I taught at the alternative school, I always kept that in mind. Every student I taught was somebody's baby. I really would work hard to connect with students especially those that did not have very supportive or encouraging parents. I just wanted them to know that somebody in this world was proud of them for going to school and trying to be somebody. I always made a conscious effort to do that. I also keep that in mind when my own two are driving me a little nutty. I yell at times and I regret it. I apologize. I fuss and let them know why I fuss, but at the end of each day I love them even more than I did the day before. GOD blesses me each day that I am with them and at times I mourn over the day they will leave this little nest for a little nest of their own. Although, MA says she is not leaving this house ever, never and that I will live with her and keep her kids. I am not sure what her plans are for her dad, but I know I am the live in grandma babysitter. I am so looking forward to it. I tell her each time she says that I will be glad to keep her babies. She told me just the other day that she will have calm kids to help me out. I asked where these kids were coming from and she informed me CHINA. I informed her that you never know if a kid is going to be calm or not you just have to love what you get. She said, "like me, I was a wild one." I said, "and the best thing that ever happened to this family."

I end with this:

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.

Psalms 68:5-6

And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.

Matthew 18:5