May the Marion Month

Marion Month is the month to celebrate mothers.  It is indeed the month we celebrate Mother's Day and us Catholics also celebrate the Blessed Mother of Jesus.  It is right and fitting to celebrate the Mother of our LORD the same month we celebrate all Moms.  I feel like Mother's Day is a gift to me and I treasure it each year!  I was blessed to be a mom and it is so special to celebrate this day each and every year.  The gifts are not what makes the day meaningful to me. It is the means I went through and the end result that make me so happy on this day.  It was a struggle for us to have our children, but I am thankful each year that I have this day to celebrate with my girls.  I know many women who would do anything to be so blessed.  What a gift I have in my girls and I do treasure them. 
Many want to know why Catholics put so much emphasis on Mary, the mother of  Jesus.  She was the mother of our Savior, you really can't get more important to that. In all of my worst hours as a mother I have called to her because she knows suffering and I was suffering and I needed somebody to get what I was going through.  Miscarriage- I probably said The Hail Mary a hundred times in the ER that night.  It was painful, emotional, and horrible, our Lord's mother-she has that t-shirt.  She can relate to all of those things. She got it.  I needed that because at the time I felt no one else did.  Most people who are non-Catholic may not even know the words.

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the LORD is with thee." Luke 1:28
What does that mean to me?  It means Mary was given grace by our Lord and that she is presently with our LORD and Savior.


"Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus." Luke 1:42
She is the most blessed of all women and mothers. Elizabeth says it to her when she visits.  The baby Jesus is the most blessed.  Blessed by His father in Heaven.


"Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death."
I always ask for her to pray for me in my darkest hours.  The prayer itself has calmed me, but also, I feel that when I have had enough and I just don't think I can bare anymore pain or heartache, Mary pray that Jesus will hear me and stop it sooner rather than later.  I find hope in her grace and it helps me to survive these types of life changing events.  As my children are getting older, I have started saying the prayer when they are nervous or scared.  Both of my girls have a fear of speaking in front of people on stage or with any type of crowd watching.  I think it comforts them that Mary, our LORD's mother is watching over them as they go up on a stage in front of people and speak.  It just seems to calm them when I tell I will pray the Hail Mary prayer for them. 

As I think of Mary sitting at the foot of the dead Jesus on the cross and then I think of the Pieta- holding her dead son in her arms.  The sadness just washes over her and it washes over me.  I just can't bare to watch that part of the "Passions" movie.  It hurts me every single time.  It also pains me to look at the detail of the Pieta statue by Michelangelo.  Mary is holding her grown dead son, Jesus like a mother would hold a 4 year old, but the anguish, sadness on her face is just hard to see.  My sin caused her this pain.  It is my sin that Jesus died for and she too is suffering from my sin at that moment.  It is very hard to accept the realness of it.  I am blessed to have my Catholic faith and have this understanding of Mary and also the saints.  It has truly helped me over the years.
Mary don't forget me and please intercede for me to your son.
  

God is GOOD!

I know my last post was very, very sad! I think the song theme for this week is "Praise You In This Storm", by Casting Crowns. When you praise Him in the storm His mercy falls upon us. I have always felt blessed and as we entered last week and worlds were crashing around us, I knew that we truly were blessed by GOD at that moment in time. Our girls were with us safe and sound as others around us dealt with loss and pain. GOD is a merciful GOD. Last week we got the wonderful news that my husband got a promotion! He has been going through the process for over a year and our youngest prayed every night that he would get his "commotion". Well, Daddy got his "commotion" and we could not be happier. Now she thanks GOD each night for Daddy's "commotion". She is also praying for other things I will share later. She does know that the Lord here's her prayers and answers them. She has no doubt now that he here's her and that is the best gift of all. I prayed for months that God would let her know He hears her prayers. I wanted the promotion for my hubby, but also for her and her faith in GOD. If that was not enough, one of my adoption advocate friends announced today that her family is adopting a little girl. She has been praying that her husband would want to adopt again for years. I think like five years. He told her it was time and he knew this little girl was meant to be theirs. He gave in to his uncertainty about the finances. They are trusting GOD to provide the means to bring this little girlie home. I am so happy for her. I am just filled with joy for her and her family. How exciting! I know she is feeling the same way! This is a true blessing. GOD has answered serious prayers in their household. I am just giddy! So, He is the God who takes away, but He is also the God who gives. He provides, He cares, He opens doors, and He opens hearts for His will if we let Him. I pray for His will for us. May GOD continue to bring peace and comfort to all those that are still hurting. May He bless each and everyone of them. May He keep those of us that have been blessed this week humble. Amen

When it all falls apart

There is a song by FEE. It is called, "Everything Falls." My favorite lyrics are the following- "When everything falls apart Your arms hold me together When everything falls apart You’re the only hope for this heart When everything falls apart And my strength is gone I find You mighty and strong You keep holding on, You keep holding on" We have had a wonderful week at our house, but it has been tragic in our Church and community and even with some bloggy friends. True tragedy. I don't even feel like a real hip hip hoorah on our front because of all that has happened around us. It is hard to imagine what these families are going through. I will share a little just to get it out. I can't keep it in any longer. If you read this blog or you know me you know we lost our son at birth. It was a tragedy for us, but to loose one of my living children today I just can't fathom what that would be like. I really can't. On Thursday a week ago, our church family lost an 11 year old boy in a tragic car accident. The boy was hit by a car while trying to catch the bus. Although we did not know him personally, his family attended our church and many of our close friends knew the family and their children were friends with this child. The whole thing has just been so tragic for this family and for this group of middle school children who just don't understand GOD's timing. It is so hard for us as adults to explain this to children when truly GOD has not given us the ability to explain it. It just is and that is all you can say. My precious oldest is now an alter server and two months ago we found out that her alter serving buddy has been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. He is 11. Should an 11 year old boy have to know what Hodgkin's Lymphoma means? I personally don't think it is fair that such a sweet, funny, and caring kid should have to know what this is and how it has to be treated. He should not have to go through grueling chemo treatments and loose his cute hair and deal with very adult life and death issues. My girl is seeing it up close and personal. Her friend served with her on Saturday. He is still the funny, sweet, caring kid he always was, but he is also pale and bald. He has had some very bad days and probably still has some ahead. I cried when I saw him walk up this week with my girl. I just tried not to show it. His parents were two pews behind me. I just am heartbroken to see him like this and we as a family are praying for him every time we pray. My heart breaks for this family. I am sure his mother had a rough week as a member of her sons youth group was buried. It had to hit her like a ton of bricks. I have weeped for her and her husband as she has had to deal with her own son's illness and now this tragedy as well. We are stacking tragedy here. I have blogged about a single mom whose husband died last summer. She and her husband have two young children and had just started the process to adopt again. After dealing with several months of anguish over what to do and then finally deciding to go through with the adoption she has once again been thrown a very heartbreaking blow. She had to go through more months of paperwork to bring her precious little girl home due to the fact she is now considered single. She finally got approval before Christmas and three weeks ago she received her paperwork to come to China. What a journey it had been. Then she got the news that has shocked our adoption community. This child that she has fought her own heart for is dying in a hospital in China. She has a terminal brain tumor and she is dying. I can not understand GOD's timing. I truly don't understand it. I don't. I can not imagine how this has happened. One dad on an adoption blog, who is quite insightful, came to a conclusion. Is it possible that this little girl's Daddy in Heaven, the father that fell in love with this little girl when he saw her sweet face in a picture, is it possible that he wanted her to be in Heaven with him. Maybe, just maybe, God thought she needed to be in Heaven with her Daddy. I am going to cling to this conclusion because nothing else makes since. Nothing. Once again this mother and her children grieve. They grieve the loss of a child and sibling. I am sure they are once again grieving the loss of a husband and father as well. I pray that this child does not suffer and that she dies knowing she has a family that loves her and is painfully mourning their loss. It is just so sad, so tragic, and so awful. As I and other parents think through maybe it truly is God's timing. If this mom had been able to bring this little one home sooner, all of this would have been on her. She would have been dealing with this tragedy by herself and with her young children in tow. She would have had the day in and out of it all on her. Maybe GOD thought this way was easier. It has been an insane two weeks. Our lives have changed for the better and all of these lives have been hit with tragedy. I don't understand God's timing and I guess I never will. I pray that good will come from all of this. I pray for comfort in each of these circumstances. I pray that God will heal and give peace to all, especially these children that are trying to make since of it all. As the song says, "God is mighty and strong and He keeps holding on!" If we don't cling to GOD in our worst times, he can't be there to carry us. He has carried me through many a heartache and I pray that he carries each of these families through this time in their lives. 29“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. ...” Matthew 14:29-31 NIV

GOOD Friday

As we commemorate the death of our LORD, many things come to mind. Why did it have to be this way? Why could not have been a different type of death? You know most of us would not have ever known about crucifixion death if it was not for our LORD. I really feel a whole life time without knowing how gruesome and painful it was would have made my life less sad. It is just a horrible way to die. No way could this have been pretty or less awful. GOD had a plan and this was it. He chose His own son to endure it for us. I wept tonight as our priest reminded us of the scene in the Passions movie where Jesus looks at his mother as He falls on His journey to Golgotha. "The place of the skull" Even Google recognizes the word. It is not on spell check. Amazing, for a world that normally turns its back on our LORD. Jesus is holding the cross on His back and His mother has desperately been trying to maneuver around the crowds to get close to Jesus. As He makes His way he falls several times, but this time He looks up to her. She desperately wants to help Him, but knows she can't. She remembers a time when He was just a boy. The boy Jesus falls and scraps His knee and she takes care of Him. She can't at this moment. She can't help Him on this journey. She is distraught by it all in this scene of the movie. I believe she is thinking, "God in Heaven, I did not sign up for this. Take this from Him and this pain in my heart from me! Please!." I could not imagine in my life time the agony she felt at that moment. Or the moment they actually put the nails in His flesh. Her little boy defiled and destroyed in such a horrific way. I know the loss of a child, but I can't comprehend the pain of this helplessness in so much suffering of a child. I am sure there are parents in this world that know, but I am fortunate not to be one of them. I remember the scene where she cleans up His blood from the scourging. I can not imagine what was going through her mind looking at the site of so much blood. I just can't. My father told me right after we saw the movie when it first came out that there was no way that the LORD endured that scourging and then carried the cross on His back. It was just a Hollywood thing, that our LORD could never have endured that. I think He could have. Have you ever heard of someone picking up something extremely heavy to save someone else- a car, tree, metal pole, etc. They always say that something just gave them the strength to do it. I think it was GOD or a guardian angel. Something divine helped them. Maybe Jesus' love for us was so strong that it helped Him carry that cross to Calvary. Maybe GOD was helping Him at that one moment. I think about all that He went through and through it all He had love for us and even those that were mistreating Him to the very end. We will never know that kind of LOVE here on earth. It will never happen. GOD had to be right there watching it all play out, the agony of our LORD and the inconceivable pain that Mary endured watching all of it unfold before her eyes. One of my favorite pieces of art is the Pieta. If you have never seen it, please GOOGLE it right now. It is beautiful and every time I see it I visualize Mary holding her dead son and looking to Heaven for answers. It had been a long 24 hours for her. She had gone through an emotional nightmare and still it went on and on. There He is in her hands gone. That I can relate to. I have held death in my hands and it is not a pleasant experience. It is just not anything you can or will ever be prepared for. No one is prepared for it. I have held life and death at the same time and that makes it even harder. You can physically feel the difference. It is horrible and the greatest sadness you will ever know. It is just awful. As I think of that moment, I think that Mary must have just been spent. She looked down at Jesus and then she wanted answers, but she got nothing. When that baby was in her arms in the stable, she knew He was the Messiah. She knew that, but did she know the gruesome details? I doubt it. She, like any other caring mother, would have hid Jesus for as long as possible to protect Him. She would have done something to save Him from that death. She would have accepted death, but I don't think this was what she had in mind. Through it all she did not turn her back on GOD. She, just like I, wanted to go to Heaven someday and be with her LORD, her son, the Messiah, the Prince of Peace. She knew that she had to keep her sights on Heaven to be reunited with the LORD. I am sure it was very hard at times, but she was chosen for a reason. She was probably very strong-willed and that made her the perfect mother for Jesus. I have a strong-willed child myself and she has a great purpose in this life. I can't wait to watch it unfold. May GOD be with all of us and we praise Him for sending His only son, our LORD!

30 pieces of Silver

How do you pay for a persons death and feel good about it? You don't. Judas was all smiles until the deed was done. He knew that money was tainted and he did not want to have anything to do with it. It really became more than he could deal with. The guilt of it all literally killed him. He saw no other way out. I wanted to know what was 30 pieces of Silver worth. I got several opinions. At the time, 30 pieces of silver was four months pay. So, today that would be anywhere from 10,000 to 15,000 dollars for the average American. Judas had a money issue. According to John chapter 12 Judas did not like the fact that Mary was washing the LORD's feet with expensive Nard. Jesus basically told him to get over it. Money meant something to Judas and he realized it meant more to him than our LORD. Did he know what would happen to Jesus once he turned Jesus over to the Sanhedrin? Did he care? We will never know the answers to these questions. What we do know is that Jesus knew the outcome and he still seems a little hurt, but after that scene with Mary I am sure he knew who he was dealing with. I know that GOD probably filled Him in that someone was going to betray Him. After the Mary scene he probably was no longer guessing who it was. Really, there were probably tons of clues. I bet Judas was the first one to pipe up and say, "Lord, send them home, they are going to want food and we have no means to feed these people." Some people really get obsessed with money to the point that it takes over everything. Security I get, but money obsession is something else. I have a grandmother that her whole world evolves around her money and everyone what everyone else has. She can't have a conversation with you without mentioning money in one way or another. She has very little money, but obsesses over it and all that others have. Money means nothing if you don't have life. Life means everything to me and all lives have meaning with or without money.

The Forty Days of LENT

What is the purpose of Lent? The Church teaches that it is a time of reflection and sacrifice to prepare for Holy Week. Reflection. Many of the recent homilies and scripture readings over the past few weeks have been on Holiness. What does that mean? We should reflect on our goal to be Holy like Jesus. We should aspire to be Holy. How do you become Holy? What do you do to move toward Holiness? I gave up yelling for Lent. I have caught myself yelling more in my house over the past week. I was good for the first few weeks of Lent but as my frustration mounted last week with my childrens' behavior I went back to old habits of yelling at my kids to get my point across. It never works especially since they are at the age that they can yell back. It takes me a while to reflect back on these behaviors and realize that yelling does not achieve Holiness. What does achieve Holiness? Reading the Bible, going to Mass, praying for others, taking care of others, doing what is right in all situations, standing for Christianity instead of popular culture norms, being active in spreading God's word. I try to do all of these things and many times I truly fail. God blesses me with another day. Each day He gives me a "do-over". Each day I take it. I don't know if it is God's goal for us to achieve Holiness here on earth, but I will try each day to move forward and not look back. I think of Abraham. He was a Holy man of God, but he did things that were not Holy. God told Abraham he would have a son that would become many nations. Abraham and Sarah speeded up the process by bringing Haggar into the picture. Bad idea, it caused them more problems later on, but God worked His plan around Abraham and Sarah's sidetrack plan. He just moved on with His plan and helped them deal with the issues they created. Abraham continued his trek toward Holiness and God continued to lead him on that trek. I think God does this for all of us. He has plans for us and we get side tracked and He continues on His plan for us and deals with the consequences of the messes we make along the way. I pray that the Lord will continue on with His plan for my life and will give me each day to move toward Holiness. As Holy Week comes I pray that every part of Lent offered me ways to learn, reflect and move toward Holiness.

REJECTED AND ALONE

I was just today watching a Christian show with Michael W. Smith performing. He was singing about our LORD being crucified and in the background they had the video of the LORD being crucified in the movie PASSION OF THE CHRIST. I was listening to the words, "CRUCIFIED, REJECTED AND ALONE." It made me think of the older children that are still orphans in China. They have not been crucified, but the words "rejected and alone" are words they know. I could not imagine waking up in the world each day and knowing that you are all alone. Another baby died last week waiting on the shared list. He had a seizure and died. It was a complication from the seizure. It does not make it any easier. I was taken aback because I knew this boy. I had seen him countless times on the shared list. He was so incredibly cute and his name was Tia Xian. I have a girl from Xian myself and that name and face just stuck with me. He was a beautiful boy and just a little fella. I just can't imagine how this happened. I know the LORD wanted him home, but it just seems so sad. I know that one of the charities I follow and send money to has lost a lot of babies this year due to pneumonia and other complications of winter and illness. It just saddens me that so many have passed away. I know that my baby could have been one of these statistics. Charities can work in any of these orphanages, but they can't change the fact that some do not have heat or air condition. They can only do what they can do in someone else's building. It makes me think how wrong life can be for some of these kids. How they must feel to be all alone? How God must feel that we continue to leave them there to die alone. It is hard to understand, but I am sure GOD will use these deaths to lead people to adopt others. I pray that happens.