The Day after Mother's Day

As I ponder this Mother's Day and how lucky I am to be mom to two great girls, I also think what did I do to deserve such wonderful girls. Each gift I opened made me love them more. AG gave me this wonderful card about why she is glad that I am her mother. It just made me cry. I cried reading it and I will cry today when I read it again. She mentions line by line how I help her and what I do for her. She wrote in her own little crooked cursive handwriting and I just think a short time ago I held that little hand in mine to help her walk. Today, my sweet little girl is writing in cursive. As I gazed upon the paper jewelry box and the hand made picture card of my youngest, I remember the first time I saw her. I just remember thinking how beautiful she is and why has no one taken her file. She would have been my first choice, but fortunately for us she was still there in a computer file waiting. China brings many happy memories, but also sad ones. I remember the first video we got from another family of our MA. I thought how beautiful she was sitting in her crib. Then I remember how she was screaming and everyone in the room could hear her. She had her hands up basically begging the mother with the video camera to pick her up. She wanted someone to notice her and pick her up. Finally, the mother with the video camera could not take it anymore. She had to pick her up. She put down the camera and grabbed her. She told me later that she kissed her for me. She hated leaving her there. She knew we were at home waiting to go get her. It is disturbing to think that you have to leave these children. I did the same thing when I went to China. We call it paying it forward. I took photos of all the children on my list that moms sent me. I remember touching several of the kids and thinking your mom will be here soon. Later, I thought what about the ones that have no mom. I went to a room with twenty little girls in it. They were all dressed the same. I took some photos for a mommy and I touched the little princess behind the bars of the baby gate. I thought how wonderful your mommy is coming soon and just as quickly I thought 19 of you may never have a mommy or daddy. It breaks you. Those are the real memories I have of China. The ones that I can't erase from my heart. These are the ones that keep me up at night. Yesterday, as I sat in church praying, I thanked GOD for my girls and my boy in Heaven, but I also cried for those children who don't have a mother. I cried for two young children in our church who buried their mother spring break and their father who is trying to deal with a new life for his smaller family. This family settling in for life without their loving mother and then on this day having that wound ripped open once again. I also cried for those children that have no mother. See I am ruined. On a day filled with love and peace I was reminded of the pain in my heart for a child lost and the thousands that are looking to be found. My heart is ruined forever. I continue to advocate for them, but my heart wants me to do more. My FATHER IN HEAVEN wants me to do more. What is it I am supposed to do? I just don't know what that is. We are so blessed by our girls, but my heart feels there should be more. Only our LORD can make this happen and I pray this day and forever for the children looking for their forever mother and father. I weep for them and I pray for them. HOPE is all they have and I pray that they continue to have hope. Every mother out there kiss and hug your children tonight and be thankful that GOD chose you to be their mom.