Death Part I

Have you ever in your life had your whole world turned upside down in seconds? LIKE I mean seconds. Not minutes, no time to think, just move in slow mo. Like time stands still for a second or two for you to process and then it goes in to overload, chaos, nuts. You can't think straight and you are just wondering around in circles not really knowing what you are doing and what you are supposed to do next. It has happened to me twice. Not once, but twice. It is like life is going great and then the whole world stops and you are clueless as what to do or how to move beyond where you are at that moment. The first time this happened to me drugs were pushed in my I.V. and that helps you not have to focus. This time no such luck. I was excited Tuesday morning two weeks ago. I had one more day of full classes and I was ready to distribute projects to my little crew of artists and move onto my little peeps. I wanted all art projects on their way to Mommies and Daddies for Christmas. I love doing art this time of year and the kids get so excited about bringing their art work home to mom and dad. I let my little peeps wrap them and make cards. We have such a good time. It is so fun. Monday had been a great day. Everything had made it up stairs and out the door. I had photographed every upper grades project and sent it on its way. I was thrilled. I am never as prepared as I was this year. On Tuesday, I was ready for my day and I had wrapping paper and tissue paper and tape, cards, etc. all ready for my students to wrap it up and take it home. My room looked like Santa had been there and forgot to clean up his mess. It was insane how crazy it was now that I think about it. At 11:00 I was told to call my husband (for those of you who don't know my classroom is in the basement and I have no cell service down there). I went up and called him. He said, "my dad is in the hospital and he has had a massive stroke. It does not sound good, but don't worry. I am waiting to here back from my sister. I just want you pray for my dad. You know we have heard this stuff before. Just keep your phone handy and I will call you back as soon as I here from my sister. Just pray. Okay." Me: "I love you, please call me as soon as you here something. I will get to a phone. Just call me." I got this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I decided to find the girls and tell them to pray for Poppy. I just pulled them out of class and let them know that he was not doing well and he needed our prayers. That is all I could say because I did not know anything else. I cried for a second and prayed and went back to class. I just could not imagine Poppy was not going to be okay. He is one of the toughest men I knew. He has been sick with some ailment the entire time I have known Mark. He has had countless surgeries and has suffered all kinds of things including a stroke in 2001. I just knew everything was going to be fine. I went to class and did my best at keeping it together. I helped my students get there art work together and then around 1:00 someone came to my room and said, "I was told to cover your class you need to call your husband now." I went upstairs and called him. He was told by his sister to come to Knoxville immediately. The plan was to take Poppy off of life support at 5:30pm and they could not promise that he would make it until then. We cried, talked and cried some more for what seemed like a lifetime, but it was really just 15-20 minutes. I told Mark to just leave and I would figure out what we were doing later. He needed to be there with his family and I had a lot of loose ends to deal with in the next hour. Remember my room looked like Santa's factory where they wrapped gifts for last six months. It was a wreck. I came down stairs and two angels were in my room. They looked at me and said, "What do you need us to do for you? We will clean, we will straighten, whatever you need us to do we will help you." I looked at them and said, "Stay here, I have to go find my girls now." I found both girls and told them Poppy would not be coming home from the hospital this time. It was not a sickness that he could recover from. My youngest knew exactly what this meant. She looked at me and said, "Are they going to put Poppy to sleep like Elmo?" I said no, but that never really sunk in with her. She knew that when the doctors could not help Elmo, they put him to sleep. She knew that if the doctors could not help Poppy they were going to put him to sleep, too. She knew how this whole thing played out four months before and we buried Elmo in the back yard. She did not know where Poppy was going to be buried, but she knew it was going to be somewhere. She cried and she got it. My oldest cried but the reality of it all did not really sink in until days later. Kids are so different that way. I went back to my classroom in zombie mode. I said things to my helpers and I wished my students a wonderful Christmas and I spent the next two hours cleaning my classroom in this fog state. I had to prepare it for Christmas break and so I did all I could do and then left. I sent my youngest home with a friend. Her mother, just like my friends earlier, was a blessing. I called and told her I was picking up my youngest and she invited us to eat dinner. I was overwhelmed by everything and she sensed it. She just told us to come on over and eat before we went home so I would not have to worry about it. I thanked her but I never felt thanks was enough. I just was grateful the whole time. As 5:30 approached I waited for a phone call from Mark, but he did not call. I just figured it was all over and they were just hanging out as a family. As I was finishing my dinner, my phone rang. Mark said, "We have all had a chance to say goodbye, but he is breathing on his own. The doctor said it could be two hours or two days, there is no way to tell. He is brain dead, Kim. It is really bad here, really bad. He could die any moment. I want you to know that."
I had the kids finish up their meals and we said our goodbyes. I thanked my host once more and we went home. Home to do what I did not know. I thought pack, but I was not sure what to do at this point. I was still in my zombie state of mind. It was just surreal. Strange, weird, etc. I had my sister check flights for me earlier in the day. She had two in mind and I had her just hang for a few hours while I figured out what to do. I went home and started packing clothes. I threw things in the suitcases for the girls and my mom called to tell me she and my dad could bring us to Knoxville by car and we could ride back with Mark. I was a zombie and I agreed to that. I went upstairs and started packing for me and Mark called back. He said, "My mom does not think it is a good idea for you to bring the girls. She is tired and she does not want to have to deal with all that when this is over." I really did not know what to say. I was still in zombie mode. I just did not know what to do. I wanted desperately to be with Mark, but I could not leave my kids if something did happen. How would I be in two places at once? I decided I had to go to Knoxville and I had to leave the girls. My husband needed me and I felt at that moment I needed him too. I am not good with death and the dying, but I needed to go and go fast. In a split second decision I decided to fly out of ATL and go to Knoxville. In the meantime my children were prepared to drive 5 hours to TN. I broke the news that they were not going so quickly that it caught them off guard and they really had not time to think about it. I asked my dad to take me to the airport asap and on the way my sister booked me on the last flight out. I called Mark to let him know I would be leaving at 10 and would arrive at 10:29pm. You have to love mini-flights. I spent more time in the ATL airport than I did on the plane. It is really crazy. I have not been on a plane since China, so homeland security has stepped it up a notch to say the least. I thought they were going to put a baby through a security belt. They made little sleeping peanut get out of her comfy, cozy carrier so they could scan that carrier at 9:00 at night. Are you kidding me? Seriously? I can't believe they did not make her take off her little Robeez. She was three weeks old mom said and she was going to see grandma. I was too, but the circumstances were not about new life instead they were about near death. Just weird. Anyway, this took longer and I spent another 45 minutes in the airport at the gate waiting for my flight to land. I text my sister and asked her questions and waited. I also bought a 4 dollar yogurt. Welcome to Hartsfield. I pondered all of the insanity of my day and wondered what the night had in store. I asked GOD to get me to my destination safely and to be with my girls while I was gone. I asked him to help them both through the next few days. I then boarded my plane.